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Writer's pictureJeb Brack

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In the last week in Cincinnati, a guy ran out onto the interstate in only a pair of shorts and flung himself at trucks until one of them killed him. Another guy went out and got into a gun battle with the police so that he could die, and unfortunately took a cop with him before he succeeded. In South Carolina last week, a guy shot nine people at a church and the country went nuts over the issues of race, gun control, and the Confederate flag. And all over the United States this year alone, cops have been killing and/or abusing people of color with little or no provocation.

So you hear the old refrain: "Is it just me, or is the world going to hell in a handbasket?"

The answer, I think, is: "It's not just you...but the world isn't going to hell any more than it ever was. It's just going to hell in different ways than it used to."

It's disheartening, but there have always been atrocities committed in our world. Always. People find the most heinous things to do to each other at every point in history, and whenever these things happen, people throw up their hands and say, "My God, what is the world coming to?" What makes it different in this day and age?

Technology. In earlier times, when somebody went off the rails, they had to use whatever tools were at hand. Lizzie Borden took an axe, but what if she had access to automatic weapons? Now, when somebody uses the tools at hand, they are more likely in this country to put their hands on firearms that can kill people much more efficiently than axes.

Technology. Today, "news" is disseminated at the speed of the Internet, "news" being defined as "anything that will get people to click on our website." This means that viewers get fed a lot more bad news a lot faster than ever before. Furthermore, if enough people tune in, the story lasts a lot longer as the media dissects it ad infinitum. Sure, Lizzie Borden caused a sensation in her day, but many killings went completely unnoticed by the world at large--look at H.H. Holmes and his murder palace.

Technology. If news spreads faster than ever, so does outrage. And it should. The number of deaths by guns, the treatment of minorities at the hands of police, the Confederate flag as a symbol of oppression--these are issues that our country needs to address. In other eras, that might have been addressed by writing a letter to a representative, signing a petition, or even going out on the street to protest. These things still happen, but many people feel like they have done their civic duty by sharing something on Facebook, Tweeting their indignation, or worse, trolling.

However, I think there is hope. In every age, there have been issues that were ripe for change, and the movements that led to change were often reviled by those who opposed them. Those damn hippies, protesting Vietnam. African Americans, singing "We Shall Overcome" in the streets. Those pesky women, marching for suffrage. Uppity laborers, forming Bolshevist unions in search of safer work and better pay. Many of their protests turned violent, and cameras were there to capture some of those moments. And people shook their heads, clucked their tongues, and said, "Is it just me, or..."

So if the craziness that's appearing on our TVs and computers means that we are on the brink of huge changes in race relations and gun violence, then I for one hope it comes quickly.

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Writer's pictureJeb Brack

Studs Fedora followed Cara Lotts to her husband's office, hoping to find a lead among his records. Instead they found chaos. Lotts' swanky office had been thoroughly searched by someone who didn't care how much of a mess they left--just the way Lotts had been killed.

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Writer's pictureJeb Brack

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Last night, the former governor of Florida announced (as though it was a surprise) that he intended to run for the office of President of the United States. Last night, the former governor of Florida doomed me to an existence of perpetual explanation.

I don't care about the man's politics, or more precisely, I care but it's my own business what I think of them and it's your own business what you think. I won't argue with you over that.

Republican or Democrat? Doesn't matter.

Liberal or Conservative? Who cares?

Whig or Tory? Do you even know what that means?

The only--THE ONLY--issue you should consider is the name of the probable candidate for President who once served as governor of Florida.

Not Bush. That's a fine old name with a long history behind it, not to mention two previous Presidents who also bore it.

But we as a nation cannot, under any circumstances, elect as President a man with the name "Jeb."

Why?

Because it will severely and negatively impact myself, the author of this blog, and I think that is something that the nation does not want to see. Can we not all band together and agree, across party and philosophical lines, that to have a name like "Jeb" be mentioned on the news every single night from now until 2024 would be a gross imposition upon me? Can we not further agree that such a thing must not be allowed to happen?

I LIKE my name. I like having a name so rare and distinctive. Name one other person you personally know named Jeb. (Bushes and their friends are disqualified from that rhetoric, by the way.) Can't do it, can you? Even if you can, chances are you're thinking of ME.

So now that Mr. Bush has thrown his hat in the ring, I am resigned to a year and a half of saying, "Yes, like Jeb Bush." Is that fair? No, but I can deal with it. Suppose he wins, though! Then I have the rest of my life to say, "Yes, like Jeb Bush." And that's just cruel. Nobody understood when I told them "It's just like J.E.B. Stuart, the famous Confederate General," or "Just like Jeb Magruder, Nixon's head of CREEP, convicted during the Watergate scandal," so why should they make the connection with the political scion of George I?

I know, he had the name first. He's older than me by several years. But with the petulance of youth I say, "I don't care!" I paraphrase Michael Bolton, the character from Office Space: "Why should I have to change? He's the one who sucks!"

Here's another point to consider. All my life, when I introduce myself as Jeb Brack, people repeat my name incorrectly: "Jeff? Jim? Joe? John? Jed?" are just some of the less farfetched attempts that I've heard. And while I can expect that people will become more familiar with the name Jeb, and thus pronounce it correctly, I also feel certain that my new middle initial will become O, as in "Oh, just like Jeb Bush!" If that happens, then the whole house of cards collapses. I don't know if you know this, but my name is actually my initials: Jonathan E. Brack. And if my middle initial changes to O, then I've got a whole new set of problems.

So please, I beg you: do not allow Mr. Bush to be elected President. It's bad for me, which means it's bad for the country.

God Bless The United States of America.

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